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What the World Needs to Know About Pregnant Women

What The World Needs to Know About Pregnant Women - TRUTH!

I was probably 8 months pregnant and walking through a local gas station.  A clerk walks around the corner, sees my swollen stomach, gasps, grabs her own stomach, and says, “Oh!  It looks like it hurts!

Thank you.  Thank you so very much, gas station clerk.

26 Weeks Pregnant with Grace

ATTENTION WORLD:  Pregnant women get big and just when you think they can’t possibly get any bigger, they do!

Two weeks ago I was talking to a woman about my pregnancy.  She asked how far along I am and I responded, “Almost 4 months.”

Really??  Are you sure there is just one in there?  ‘Cause it looks like you could be about 5 and a half months.”

Thank you.  Thank you very much.

ATTENTION WORLD:  Not every pregnant woman is having twins.  In the rare case that she is having twins, she’ll tell you.

My neighbor shared with me that people would often ask her to turn around when she was pregnant so they could see where she was gaining weight and how she was carrying.  Then they would declare their gender guess based on how she looked.

She wasn’t always thrilled with people’s assessment of her weight gain.  I don’t blame her!

ATTENTION WORLD: Please don’t analyze a woman’s weight gain “for fun” to guess the gender of her baby.  #1 It doesn’t even work.  It is just an old wive’s tale.  #2 Would you like to take a spin in front of me so I can make blanket judgments about your body shape?  What?  That doesn’t sound like fun to you?

And for those few women who struggle to gain weight…

ATTENTION WORLD: If the mother is not gaining enough, her doctor will notice.  There is no need for you to lecture her.

38 Weeks Pregnant with Grace

All joking aside, there are several things that factor into how much a woman is showing or how she is carrying her baby:

  • Normal Body Shape – Thin ladies tend to show faster while heavier mamas tend to be able to hide it longer.
  • Short or Long Waist – Does the baby have room to grow up into the waist or not?  I have a pretty short waist and poor Grace had no where to go, but “out.”
  • Number of Pregnancies – After the first baby, women tend to show faster because their muscles are already stretched out.  She might not gain weight any faster, but the body still shows the pregnancy sooner.  Time and time again my friends have shared with me how they (and myself!) struggle with this.  I’ve felt embarrassed about how fast I’m showing this time, which really is silly…

The bottom line is:  You are dealing with a woman (a woman who happens to have an abundance of hormones surging through her body), so when you decide to comment on her appearance please keep those “big as a whale” comments to yourself and be nice.

For more quality advice, read Top 10 Least  Helpful Things to Say to a Woman in Labor.

39 Comments

  1. AMEN! I could mention about unsolicited comments about the chosen name (should you be telling people before baby arrives). We tell the name so that our boys get used to the idea of a baby and of the name.

    Attention world: If you don’t like the name, keep your mouth shut! I may not like YOUR name, but I don’t run and tell your mommy how she ruined your life! 🙂

    1. LOL! I’ve always been 100% opposed to sharing name choices for that exact reason, but you bring up a really good point about it helping with little kids. We probably won’t find out if we are having a boy or girl, but it would be nice to be able to tell Grace if she is getting a little brother or sister. Hmmm….

  2. This is funny. I too am short waisted. I am nearing the end of my pregnancy right now. This is our fifth full term baby, though I’ve had 10 pregnancies. You are so right about how you show earlier and earlier each time. It is amazing to me how women who have never had a baby, or even those who are having their first or second actually seem to disrespect those of us who have nowhere to grow but out. Not to gripe, but it is annoying how they make comments about how much weight you are gaining. Those who have never had a baby slyly say how you don’t have to be a pig just because you are pregnant, and site instances of women they know who look normal with just a bubble in the front. Of course the ones they are talking about are on their first pregnancy. Sometimes even men make snide comments. Like they have room to talk. A man can wear the same size of pants from the time he is 19 till he is in the nursing home, no matter how big his belly gets, he just pushes his belt under the growing fat mass around the middle until you wonder how he can walk like that. Anyway, it is an exercise in patience, tact, and an opportunity to perfect your throwing daggers with your eyes while sweetly smiling skills. When your beautiful baby is in your arms these situations will all just be a series of journal entries, forgotten for the joy of your special wiggly gift from God.

    1. I’ve found that I get lots of comments from MOTHERS! You would think that fellow women who have been there would be more understanding. The lady in this post that asked me if I was having twins has several kids. But…. you are right. None of this matters after we get that “special wiggly gift from God.”

      1. I have the opposite problem. I’m a short girl but I have a long waist, so apparently, I’m not showing fast enough. I’m six months pregnant as we speak, and you can tell by looking at me that I am, indeed, pregnant. But it doesn’t stop people from saying “You sure are tiny! Are you sure you’re really six months? When I was six months, I was much bigger… what does your doctor say?… Make sure you eat enough… don’t try to save your figure, you’re supposed to lose it after having a child…” etc. It’s annoying for several reasons, with the subtle implication that I’m starving myself or my unborn child being just one of them. I can’t help the way I look pregnant. This is our first baby, I’m gaining the right amount of weight, the midwife is happy. It’s hardly my fault if I don’t look exactly like what everyone else thinks I should look. I’ve tried to explain the first pregnancy/different body types to people but they won’t listen.

        1. Danni, it is unfortunate that you have been getting so many negative comments. I’ve heard stories like yours before, which is why I included the part about “small moms” in my post.

          I think that as a culture we are used to women getting really big (despite some of the stupid comments people make) and we just don’t understand how someone could be so small in their pregnancy. We just don’t GET it, ya know?

          Keep doing what is best for you and your baby. And hold your head up high! Best of luck to you, Danni!

  3. The worst comment I got was the night Liam was born. A visitor(who will remain nameless), after I told them the dr said my pelvis was to small for a baby to fit thru-thus my c-section, said, “wow looks can really be deceiving right?” really?!! I know I’m not thin but thats just mean! I cried…

    1. UGH! That is AWFUL! Why do people think that a woman being pregnant gives them free reign to make these rude comments about her body? I can’t imagine how that must have felt, especially with all those postpartum hormones going wild!!

  4. It always bugged me when people would ask if we were going to find out the sex of our baby, and their response after I answered “yes” was, “Well, then what will you have to look forward to” or “What will motivate you to push?” Um, are you saying that knowing I’m having a girl isn’t something to look forward to? And just getting to meet her isn’t enough motivation to push?

    1. I always had the opposite reaction! Some people acted really upset that I didn’t want to find out. I heard all kinds of comments like, “Well, that is fine if you are ok with your child wearing all green & yellow for the first three months of it’s life.” or “You seem like such a planner. I don’t understand why you wouldn’t want to be able to plan ahead for this too.” It was pretty annoying.

      And for the record, Grace did NOT wear all green & yellow. There was plenty of pink represented those first three months. 🙂

  5. Oh, the unsolicited comments– ugh. And, after the baby is born, there are plenty more about the actual baby!! I carry tiny. I’m short-waisted, on the slim side, and gain appropriately, but I just carry small. I never had any “big as a whale comments.” But, lest you think women are kind to those who carry like me, I received remarks such as, “What, are you trying to keep your figure by starving yourself?” and “Oh… did you lose the baby?” Yeah. Nice. (btw, I have severe bump envy because mine’s always kind of lame ;))

    1. I’ve heard you talk about this before, but I’m still trying to figure out what a lame baby bump must look like at 9 months. I was just so HUGE that is is almost impossible for me to imagine it. 🙂

    2. Same here! I replied in greater detail earlier in the thread, but YES. I wish I was bigger because then people would stop implying that I am doing something to harm my child in the name of vanity. Which I’m NOT. I’ve always been thin–I only weighed 95lbs when I got pregnant–and have trouble gaining weight (I have to take medicine for my thyroid, so that’s part of it). My midwife looked at me on my very first visit and said “You probably won’t get very big and you shouldn’t. You much too small of a person to get too large, and if you want to have a natural birth (which we do), you need to follow your weight guidelines so that you can have a normal sized baby, not a huge one that you can’t push out.” And even then, if the genetics are right, I might get a huge one. LOL.

  6. with our first pregnancy announcement a woman at church pulled me aside to ask if it was an “accident” (you know, in church, where babies are “blessings” right?) and we were MARRIED !

    I also had the twins comments but i just laughed it off, i was huge, and i knew it…no sense getting offended (in my mind).

    The worst however, and I was horrified, when an older lady told me (once again, at church, durring first pregnancy) that it was the women who threw up all durring the first trimester that were “Lucky” because they didn’t have to “worry” about gaining so much weight. Cuz like, a healthy baby is secondary to my figure right?!? (ugh!)

    1. I’m amazed that the first lady you mentioned was actually bold enough to ask you. It seems like that is the question that everyone wants to know the answer to, but it is none of anyone’s business. Still only the boldest few have the courage to ask.

      It really is amazing the stupid things that people say. 🙂

  7. 1st: I love you!
    2nd: I FULLY AGREE!
    I’d like to add that sometimes people comment about a woman being pregnant when she’s really NOT. I’ve had several friends who have been asked how far along they are because how they’re bodies are shaped when they gain weight.

    1. Honestly, that is WORSE than even the rudest while-pregnant comment. I have been asked that myself and it is CRUSHING. I refuse to ask a woman about a pregnancy unless I can see the baby coming out. 🙂

      1. I’m very much overweight, despite eating super healthy and not eating meat or dairy. I don’t know why.

        I wouldn’t get offended at the “how far along are you” comments if I ever heard them. I wouldn’t know how to respond though. I’d much rather be pregnant than fat! Pregnancy is beautiful.

  8. Rebekah, this post cracked me up! I can so relate, and think of so many off the wall comments I heard when pregnant. My sister actually just started telling people she wasn’t pregnant (like, when she was full term with her sixth) because she was so sick of their audacity.

  9. Amen Sistah! Oh my, when I shared my last pregnancy (my 6th pregnancy, but would have been my 5th child) I was 12 weeks and someone commented “12 WEEKS!!! You look full term to me!” Gah…with Lily someone asked to rub my belly when I was 14 weeks along so obviously after 4 pregnancies/3 kids my belly just knew where to go…then…my favorite….I’m with all my kids…my youngest, now 19 months, is only a month or two old and someone tells me “Congratulations” asks how I’m feeling and how far along I am…oy

  10. I’ve got a good one for you. I was shopping in a maternity store at the mall when one of the people that worked there asked how far along I was and I told her that I was a week past my due date and her eyes about bugged out of her head and she literally asked me to leave the store because she was afraid I would go into labor in their store. I absolutely could not believe it because I was in a Maternity store for goodness sakes! I guess she thought the baby would just fall out on their floor, lol.

      1. Haha, yes she was serious. At the time it really made me upset because I really needed some nursing bras and here this woman asked me to leave the store. Needless to say I didn’t buy anything from them. It was kind of funny though because I thought do they seriously think the baby is just going to fall out in their floor, lol.

  11. Oh yeah, I ended up going two weeks over and having to be induced anyways. So, yeah that sales lady didn’t have anything to worry about, lol.

    1. That is just crazy! You would think employees of a maternity store would be smarter than that. Too funny!

  12. With my first two pregnancies, I went 2 weeks past my due date before labor started. (in both cases labor started naturally just a day or two before the dr was going to make the call to induce) My least favorite, and yet constant comment, from those times was “are you ever gonna have that baby?” I would get so furious! Because obviously I was quite comfortable being ginormous and overdue and was not at all eager to meet my baby! I did actually respond to some people that I had decided that I liked being prego and was just going to continue on forever without delivering my baby. :-p

    1. Haha! I love that response, Heidi. It’s not like you have much control over if you go early or late!

  13. I’m kind of flabbergasted that anyone cares about these things or gets upset about them…. When people say, “it looks like it hurts”, I think, “no kidding, it DOES hurt – now here is a lady who can sympathise!”. When they want to figure out the sex of the baby by my shape, I find it fascinating and fun! When people wonder out loud if there are twins coming, I think, “ya, and how is that one enormous little person going to GET OUT”! It’s nice that others care enough to notice our comfort and want to talk about our babies. Most people are being kind. Now – there are the ones who are being intentionally rude and that is very sad! But really, Ladies – smile and mean it when people comment. They are likely looking for a way to start a conversation with you or find common ground. They just want to be part of your life and they may even be concerned about you, but not quite know how to ask. Revel in the joy of impending motherhood rather than dwelling on “Can you believe they said that? I am SO offended”. Smile at them and thank them for asking 🙂

    1. Sometimes the hormones of pregnancy can just make you extra sensitive and cranky. 🙂 I’m sure you can relate.

  14. I’m glad you touched on the not gaining weight issue. With both of my pregnancies, I didn’t gain any weight until I was about 20-22 weeks and everyone was losing their minds!!!! My first pregnancy, I got threatened with bed rest and a high calorie diet and this time I warned my dr about the weight gain and she did worry until I started gaining. I also only gained 14 lbs the first time and I am 36 weeks now and am at 14 lbs again. I normally get the evil eye from those who gain a ton. But I don’t stretch out well and I carry all baby and no where else. Might sound pleasant but I am extremely uncomfortable! And I had a 7 lb 2 oz baby who was 20 inches this first time and I’m sure this one will be just as big! Thank you for this great read!!!!

    1. Those of us who put on weight easily don’t like your kind. Haha! But seriously, unless you are telling someone that they look fantastic, it is rude to comment on someone’s weight. Asking, “Why are you so fat?” can be just as hurtful as “Why are you so skinny??”

  15. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I am 29wks with my 3rd and am blessed to not grow wide but I sure as heck grow out. I had 3 people this weekend ask if I was due any day. When I responded with my due date they asked if I was sure and then went on in amazement about how big I am! I said to my husband I don’t want to go out anymore! I needed this today!

    1. Oh Christine! That is just awful. I’m sorry people say such stupid things. Best of luck with your pregnancy!

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