Babies Don’t Keep: A Benediction to Weaning Moms
When talking about weaning from breastfeeding there is a fine balance between being supportive and encouraging someone to wean their child too soon. Yet, no one nurses forever. There always has to be an end and sometimes that can be hard.
Some moms may mourn the loss of their beautiful, intimate, nursing relationship that they had with their children. This post is for those moms. Those moms who are sad. Those moms who cry at the thought of weaning. Those moms who are just like me.
My Weaning from Breastfeeding Story
I weaned both of my children around the age of two. Despite my struggles with extended breastfeeding and even my feelings of embarrassment, weaning my children rocked me to the core. The wind was nearly knocked out of me the first night that I laid them down in their beds without nursing. My children aren’t babies anymore and it grieves me.
Noah officially weaned last month. Mother’s Day was one of the very last times that he nursed. Now I am “free” as some might say. I have been pregnant, breastfeeding, or both since January 2009. It is 5.5 years later and I have my body back for the very first time. Some probably see that as a reason to celebrate, but I just feel sad.
Will I ever have another baby? Will I ever breastfeed again? Is this baby stage of life truly over? I honestly don’t know. I don’t want to breastfeed forever, but I can hardly fathom that I’ll never do it again.
A Benediction to Weaning Moms
So many milestones are things that we celebrate. First steps, first words, and sleeping through the night are all reasons to rejoice. They are signs our babies are growing up, but we gloss over the sadness.
Yet weaning? Weaning from breastfeeding is a punch in the gut.
Babies don’t keep.
The squishy thighs and chubby cheeks are disappearing. The swaddled blankets, pacifiers, newborn smell, and precious babbles are behind us. And we mourn.
But mamas, let us rejoice in the awe of our bodies! You created life, brought that precious life into this world, and then helped their little body grow – all with your own body. You are amazing. You are magical. You are a mom.
You nursed when they were hungry. You nursed when they were tired. You nursed when they were sick. You nursed when they were bored. You nursed when they simply needed you.
In the middle of the night, in the middle of the day…
In your bed, in your car, in your living room, at the park…
When it wasn’t convenient, when you didn’t have the time, when you wanted to say no…
You nursed.
No one else has shared these intimate moments with your child. No one else gets the “milk drunk” smiles or wipes away the drips on their chin. No one else is Mommy.
But you are.
And you are amazing.
You’ve sacrificed your body, your time, and your comfort to breastfeed your child. That is such a gift. It doesn’t matter if you did it for 6 weeks, 6 months, or 2 years. You have given your child an amazing start at life.
And now it is time to let go. It is time to move on. It is time to replace nursing with a simple cuddle, a song, a stuffed animal, or a rub on the back. Just the thought puts a pit in my stomach. It doesn’t feel right, yet now is the time. Of course nothing can ever replace mom, but it is time to say goodbye to nursing.
So go ahead and cry, mama. It can be hard to say goodbye.
But after you wipe your eyes, hold your head up high. Because you are amazing. You are magical.
You are Mommy.
Read these for practical tips on weaning from breastfeeding:
- Extended Breastfeeding: Weaning Your Older Child Gently
- Weaning from Breastfeeding: 7 Things for Moms to Consider
You should also head over to Emily’s post at Live Renewed where she is sharing some thoughts on being done with babies and breastfeeding. It is so relatable. I cried reading it.
Are you mourning the end of your breastfeeding relationship? Was it emotionally difficult for you to wean?
I have a feeling I will be coming back to this! My youngest just turned two, and at this moment in time, it doesn’t seem like weaning is on the horizon just yet. I don’t have any idea how this will pan out, since with my other two, I weaned due to pregnancy, and we don’t know if our family is going to grow beyond the three children we have, so we’ll see! But yes, it is heart wrenching to watch them grow up. I think we get so caught up in those early days that we can’t see past the diapers and constant feedings…it is bittersweet to realize that they just keep growing up! 🙂
It is bitter sweet indeed, Becky! I heard the early parenthood stage of life called “the longest shortest time.” It is so fitting, isn’t it? When you are in the thick of it, it seems never ending. Then you blink and it is over. Crazy!
If you need tips on how to gently wean your two year old, this post might be helpful to you: http://www.breastfeedingplace.com/extended-breastfeeding-weaning-child/
This is so timely and heartfelt-I needed that-THANK YOU! After nearly seventeen years of nursing,diapering and my body being avail. 24 hrs.to SIX, it is coming to a close with my four year old weaning himself to every now and then nursing instead of nighttime/story time nursing. It is hard and very emotional as a phase you’ve known for so long ends and a new one begins. God bless you on your journey-thanks for encouraging this OLD mama 🙂
Christina, your comment just goes to prove that it doesn’t matter how many kids you have. The last one will always be sad. I’m thankful that this post was encouraging to you. Best of luck as you journey into this new stage of life!
I’ve always said that if I lived in another time, I’d have been a wet nurse. I can’t see worth a lick without corrective lenses and boy did I put out the milk. Too bad my second had so many allergies we couldn’t adjust my diet enough. It was a short 5 weeks and since I kept pumping after we switched to formula, it was sad, so so sad to dump the gallons of milk i had frozen. (The milk bank couldn’t take it because I knew ahead of time that I had too much lipase and scalded it) I still think about it to this day. What a waste to dump it, but also all that wonderful time I lost with my little boy.
I’d totally have another kid if I could give them back when they’re weaned! 🙂
Oh, Michelle… I can’t even think about your dumping all that milk. No mama should ever have to do that. That is just hard, hard stuff.
I’ve walked that lipase road and I’m so sorry you had to deal with that on top of diet restrictions. *sigh* So sorry, Michelle. 🙁
I should have added that I also had to dump gallons of milk when my 1st self weaned at 1. The lipase was evident and we didn’t know about milk banks then. *sigh* oh well. If I didn’t have this struggle with lipase I would have never found your site. Actually I have no idea how I figured it out! Maybe I read one sentence in a book that mentioned lipase…hmmmm
Michelle, there is very little information about excess lipase activity out there. “One sentence in a book” sound about right, sadly.
But I’m on a mission to change that! I’ve been working on a book completely dedicated to excess lipase activity and I hope to release it next month. I’m beyond excited to be able to help moms and educate lactation professionals with this book. It is going to be around 40 pages, which is so much better than “one sentence.” Don’t you think? 🙂
I actually didn’t enjoy nursing. I didn’t hate it. It didn’t bother me to do it, I just didn’t love it. I did it because my child needed to eat and I did enjoy the time with her, but I was quite happy when we weaned at 1yr. I never even kinda considered going past a year. We’ve hoping to have two more children so maybe I’ll be sad with the last one. I don’t know.
Not saying that it isn’t okay to feel sad or to nurse past a year, I just didn’t. 🙂 I do know people that were sad for the end of nursing and will share this with them. It is very well written, Rebekah.
Julie, I appreciate you sharing this with your friends even though you didn’t share the same feelings.’
When I was pregnant with my first baby, I was warned that I might not have that lovey-dovey feeling when it came to breastfeeding. This friend told me that some people really get into it, but she just didn’t. It sounds like you and her had similar feelings about nursing. I think it is awesome that you did it despite lacking those lovey-dovey feelings that I obviously had.
I honestly used to feel “broken.” I didn’t care about reading BF’ing blogs, message boards, articles, etc. Didn’t feel the need to “promote” it. Didn’t love it completely. Didn’t do extended BF’ing when that is becoming the thing to do among a lot of mommy circles. I didn’t do it for the lovey-dovey feelings but to feed my daughter. And because formula is far too expensive. lol
But then I realized. I don’t care if other moms do those things if that is right for them. So why should I care if anyone else thinks I’m strange for not being so big into BF’ing? Really, it doesn’t matter. Everyone does it differently and that doesn’t mean I’m broken or weird because I wasn’t in love with it and was super glad to get done after a year.
Julie, that is sad that you felt “broken” for not being in love with breastfeeding. People often talk about how breastfeeding fanatics (like myself!) can make formula users feel guilty or judged, but I never thought about moms who chose to breastfeeding feeling the same way.
I would be curious to hear more about your story sometime. I bet there are many women who could benefit from hearing encouragement or advice on breastfeeding from a mom who didn’t love it. Have you ever blogged about it?
I’ve never thought to blog about it. I figured that it wasn’t all that special as I was a fanatic about it but I wasn’t a formula only mom either. But maybe us middle ground people need support too. Thanks for the idea! I’m adding it to my list of things to blog about. 🙂
wasn’t*
I’m accepting guest posts this summer or I could hook you up with the owner of Breastfeeding Place. Just in case you are interesting in guest posting your thoughts.
I would love to read a blog about BFing from a mommy who didn’t have those “lovey dovey” feelings. I am one of those moms too! Even though I will probably feel relieved when my baby weans this post was so sweet. I had tears in my eyes by the end! Thank you for sharing. Even though I don’t love it, I’m still the magical mommy who makes all the milk:).
Heidi, you are TOTALLY a magical mommy! I’m touched to hear that this post meant something to you despite your lack of “lovey dovey” feelings about breastfeeding.
Breastfeeding is an extremely intimate things, and I don’t blame you for looking forward to the day that it is done. I wish that there were more moms out there talking about these feelings. I think it is important for women to hear that they aren’t alone. I would also like to praise and encourage moms like you for continuing to nurse even though you don’t totally love it. Maybe you are doing it because you’ve been told that breast milk is better than formula. Or perhaps you are doing it because you can’t afford formula. Either way, you are sacrificing your comfort to provide for your family. You are highly respected in my book.
I have to say I’m exclusively breastfeeding my third at ten months old, and he is still taking no solids. I breastfed the first two for 14 and 15 months. The third will probably be longer due to having not taken solids yet, and because I feel its best for him. BUT I cant say I ever felt said when it came time to wean. I was ready to wear regular bras and not worry if my dress was convenient for nursing etc. Reading this blog actually made me feel sad about it for the first time! Number three is my last, and it hit me like a ton of bricks when you said “will I ever have another baby. Will I ever breastfeed again?” Because I know for me the answer is no :/
Aww, Christina! I’m sorry I made you sad about weaning when you weren’t feeling that way before. Maybe when the time comes you will feel ready for it again. In the mean time, enjoy these precious moments. Little ones don’t stay little for long. 🙁
You’re right. They grow way too fast and just maybe I needed to read this and be reminded of that. Its easy to forget to enjoy what you have right now. Especially when the kids are fighting and the baby is latched on for dear life 🙂
“Latched on for dear life!” Haha! I love it!
I hear ya though. Sometimes I feel like I’m barely surviving the day. Forget about cherishing it!!!
Without knowing it this is what I needed the most. Thank you. Thank you so much for understanding, for putting it into words, and for allowing me to morn as well as feel proud. Thank you for telling me all the things I couldn’t tell myself.
You are very welcome. I hope the weaning process is gentle on you and your little one.
“You are Mommy”. Yes. I like this. Thanks for sharing
Thank you for this! My 23 month old son weaned over night last week and it crushed me! I spent an hour and half sobbing that night and woke up crying the next morning. Of course my husband doesn’t understand which only made me cry harder. This makes me feel proud and “allowed” to grieve at the same time. This made me cry again but this time I’m happy!!!
Bless you, Erica! I am so glad that my words have encouraged you. Your little one is so lucky to have you as his mama.